On Sunday I sat on the beach watching Abby frolic in the ocean - occassionaly with random like-minded children, but mostly by herself. For two hours she yelled and screeched at the top of her voice; leaped, danced and tumbled in the waves; threw wet sand and dug messy holes on the shoreline; and fought fiercely and joyously even triumphantly with nature.
And for two lovely hours I didn't have to say "no" or :stop" or "don't". I was close enough, if necessary, (barring an Act of God) to pluck her from danger. She was safe for the moment from rocks and cement and cars and city dangers - she was free and beautiful.
But as I sat there watching, I became acutely aware of how many times, just this weekend, that "don't's" had spilled out of my mouth. Though I delivered them in the approved positive mode, i.e. "use an indoor voice" instead of "don't yell so loud", kids are not stupid and the "don't's" are always there hovering as we try to keep them safe or socialize them. Be safe. Be careful. Be healthy. Respect people. Respect property. Think.
Don't walk near the curb.
Don't hug the dog so much.
Don't run so fast.
Don't get dirty.
Don't walk so slow.
Don't jump on the sofa.
Don't fall on the sofa.
Don't slide on the sofa.
Don't feed the dog people food.
Don't run on the rocks.
Don't run in those shoes.
Don't eat sweets.
Don't walk in the street.
Don't yell so loud.
Don't talk baby talk.
Don't chew with your mouth open.
Don't eat like a dog - even if you are pretending to be a dog.
Don't splash me.
Don't get your clothes wet.
Don't put your mouth on the water fountain.
Don't put the good pillows on the floor.
Don't climb so high.
Don't hide behind the tree.
Don't.....
Abby? She accepts whatever I load on her, trusting that I love her. Appologizes for falling down or for getting hurt and is quick to assure me that "I'm ok, Gramma" if a careless tumble goes wrong.
I tell myself that these cautions, most of them anyway, are necessary and a part of growing up and also that they were more numerous this weekend, because of being in a new place with new challenges, but it just about breaks my heart, nevertheless.
2 comments:
Yes I know just what you mean and am very sad at the millions of future "don'ts" that await Jack when the new baby gets here.
Don't slap your brother
Don't throw a ball a your brother's face.
Don't throw your brother at your sister....
I appreciate what you guys are saying. But as a young child I got practically zero don'ts and that made my growing up so much the more difficult. I got much affection and I felt loved but It seemed no one cared enough or had the time to teach me something about life and its realities. And when I was corrected I was usually mortified. I don't have to tell you, do I, that the love that is inherent in all those don'ts - aka boundaries - is priceless. And I've seen how you both deliver those don'ts, by the way. In what I've witnessed, they are delivered with a natural sensitivity that I admire.
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