...home

Feels a bit surreal this Chrismas morniing to be home after 20 days of playing "mom". So easy to get hooked on being needed and feeling the pleasure of doing something useful for people you love. Through the generosity of my daughter and son-in law I got to share for a moment the wonder of new motherhood - this time with the serenity that hindsight brings.

I know with certainty

• that Abby will find friendship and live happily ever after
• that the milk will flow
• that the crying will stop
• that Jack will someday soon sleep through the night

...it is just a baby

temp for ada

bd2007

Hogwarts Abby Style

Can you identify?

"Feather Snake" or "Snake Feather" = Professor Snape
"Feather Squirrel" = Professor Quirl
"Feather Mikgonigus = Professor McGonagull
"Feather Goopin = Professor Lupin
"Neminie" = Hermione
"John"= Ron
"Dougy" = Dudley
"canTROL" = troll
"Cathrin" (hint...sometimes Hagrin) = Hagrid
"Bumpie" = Buckbeak
"double snakes" = devils snare
"switch" = snitch
"treasure chest" = wisards chess
"Boldermart" = Voldemort
"mentos (like the candy) = dementors
"chino of secrets" = chamber of secrets
"Morning Myrtle"= Mourning Myrtle

station "100 and a quarter" = 9 and three quarters
magic and "wisenry" = magic and wizardry
quidich is "just like basic ball"
bumpie "..you are the smartiest thing of ever!"

And this is all I guess. Children learn at frightening speeds and she now has most of the above correct. However, I have enjoyed this most delightful month of wacky mispronunciations ever so much.

Cruise control

There is something about following behind someone who is obviously using cruise control that makes me irrationally impatient and irritated. I get a similar feeling when I listen to music and I "feel" that the drums are automated.

The issue here is why would a woman who always drives the speed limit and rarely changes lanes, care if she is following a car going a rational 65 miles per hour if SHE is also driving 65 miles an hour? And why, if this same woman is so musically impaired that she can't carry a tune, should she care about an alleged mechanical drum beat? And how are these two things related?

I think....

This morning I am lounging in bed, thinking about stuff: the affectionate email from my "baby" brother, who is now 40; the book on tape that that was so full of angst that I had to stop listening even though it was well plotted and interesting; and my new grand puppy and how he will impact the lives of my son and daughter-in-law.

I think of how it is so very easy for an adult to impact the life of a child....and to forge ties or cause pain for all of their lives. Mike was 14 (Aaron 9, Ada 4 and I was...umm 38?) when he came, a virtual stranger, for a two week visit to our family in California. He was full of energy and of ideas for fun electronic projects (I about went bankrupt at Radio Shack) . The neighborhood boys followed him around like the pied piper as he made things light up, make noise or spin. Thirty years later, a man with a family and children of his own....and he loves me still....all because of two weeks in an ordinary summertime? It could be blood ties, I suppose, but it still fills me with awe.

I think of the stupid book. It was well plotted, had an interesting location, good historical tidbits and well defined charactors - every one of them mired in continual self refection, personal tragedy and random deep thoughts. I was forced to learn (this being a book on tape where skipping sections is difficult) way more than I wanted to know about these people, but it bothers me that I couldn't listen. Am I emotionally challenged; jealous that I don't have constant deep thoughts; or perhaps inadequate in some other way?

I think about the puppy. I am excited because, well I don't know... because, I suppose, it is a new life. I am imagining that they will love him for all the reasons you love a good dog and because he will love them with a single minded devotion that will make up for a few sleepless nights and constant vigilance.

A little voice...

A little voice on the phone talks to me - she talks about her day, about coming to my house and about "daddy's clock" - but what she is really saying is that she is thinking about me and that I am important to her... and so when she says good bye and "I love you gramma", my world is suddenly full of sunshine even though it is night outside.

Being a gramma is like, well, like nothing else. When I was a parent of one, I thought life couldn't get better and I wondered if I had love enough for two...and (like parents everywhere) I found that I did and that life got better still. The years that followed filled me to the brim with contentment.

I never, never expected to feel anything comparable. But then, Abigail June arrived in my life and I am in love again - and, guess what, she loves me back. Granted, she is a very loving child, so it is not surprising that she should love me. But, being me, and, therefore, afraid to have great expectations, I find it sweet indeed.

Elk and Moose

Melody Beck wrote that there were elk in their yard. I immediately, being a city girl, pictured moose...and told her that I had never seen a moose. She wrote back to say she has never seen a moose either. So, of course, I googled elks and moose(s) to find that moose look like moose and elk look like humongous deer. The world is a wonderful place.

..the longest day

Friday, I spent one of the longest days of my life. Flat on my back with the stomach flu, too sick to move; too bone weary to get comfortable; I couldn't stay awake and I couldn't sleep.

When I dozed off I struggled; with spreadsheets that wouldn't add; databases that lost data; questions that had no answers; meetings that I couldn't find; food that had worms - taunting me and sticking out their little tongues (do worms have tongues?); water that wouldn't turn off...

When awake, I lay rigidly still and worried; over the shower I heard running for what seemed hours in the unit upstairs; morbidly how long a person could actually live without food since I never wanted to eat again; about unknown things clunking and thumping and slamming the whole day long (and it always seemed so quiet here); that the icy wind whistling though the window slats would make my frequent trips to the bathroom, in my fragile condition, misery...

So I am truely grateful for good health and resove to feel less self-important in the future...hard as it is to believe, the world will go on without me in charge.

Movies

I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire last night. It saddens me to see what the movie industry can do to a beloved book. Lots of money, appealing actors , wonderful sets and famous people don't make up for over-acting. Moody for example would have been much better understated and less hysterical...and I try, but I don't like the new Dumbledore...he is not warm and has no sense of humor...takes himself too seriously. I also find the over emphasis on special effects (the whole thing happened in the dark and the dragon chase was stupid) pretty boring. Trouble is that once in a while they touch on the sweetness and humor found in the books...and it makes it worse not better. I keep thinking see they COULD have done it right and it would have been so fine.

It can be done. The Lord of the Rings is almost perfect (though I remain a little bitter about the weakening of Faramir) and is so faithful to the spirit and feeling of the books, that they enhance each other. The A&E version of Pride and Prejudice was satisfyingly letter perfect (easier because of the length), but the new movie, in my opinion, falls unnecessarily short. Though the actors are attractive and natural and perfectly cast and the atmosphere is wonderful, the implausibilities (even though few) are so glaring I again end up more disappointed than if it was a bad movie.

Sense and Sensibility I was not as attached to, but it was done very well and I would have been entirely satisfied if the casting were not so ridiculous. The Graduate with Dustin Hoffman is pretty much perfect too - I think word for word - and makes the book twice as enjoyable the second time around. So like I said, it can be done...so why don't they do it right?

Guess I'll go re-read the next Harry Potter book and hope that the next director cares more about the book or is more like me.

Ummmm

So. Here I am. This is me...and I haven't a thing to say.

One does have to keep up with the times. I feel a bit naked (at my age, that is not a good thing), but expect I'll get used to it.

I am feeling a bit decadent at the moment. I now own five printers. Five printers for one person seems a bit excessive even to me, but I am attached in some weird way to every one of them. My most recent acquisition, an Okidata color laser jet, is the size of a small car and was an incredible bargin at 149.00. I don't have a clue where I am going to put it, because I also have a HP laser jet 1200 - great for black and white printing and a real workhorse; and a Cannon scanner/ink jet printer for scanning and printing photos. THEN in the garage I have two other HP printers that have served me well and that I hate to give to just anyone as they are perfectly good and were expensive. I think this is some sort of moral test and a sign that I am too attached to my possessions.